I chose to use poison in the garden today. To get at that rotten grass that has roots that go all the way to China and cuts through garden gloves if you try to pull it out. I thought I would blast it – the technology was there right in my shed. So blast it I did…and then I got to feeling guilty and thinking.
So what of my inner weeds. Should I blast them, or pull them out and risk getting hurt. Should I let them grow and overtake me and my vitality; let them hold me back, tie me down. Most often there is the temptation to lock the inner weeds away in the basement and throw away the key. But that’s the thing with weeds, they thrive in the dark and they have a sneaky way of coming to the surface when you least expect it. From their dark home they go on influencing…and growing.
I decided the metaphorical poison I use for my inner weeds is presencing, by that I mean coming right into the present moment and seeing what’s really there. The inner weeds took root sometime in the past. Somewhere in the past I started to believe things like “I am not good enough” or “It is all my fault” and those weeds took hold and I fed them with my belief. They thrive on belief you know.
The key is composting . From the present moment I can make a choice to compost those weeds. Bringing them out into the light helps first. Naming them and owning them and making a choice to add them to the compost so they “fertilise the future” as my friend Amanda Fleming would say. This is the technology in our tool shed. Like Tinkerbell – we need to believe in fairies to make them real. It takes perseverance, honesty and willingness and often this can feel like hard work. It was a powerful realisation – the garden will be pleased. I’ve decided to put the work in rather than use poison the next time.